what a heel!

The term Achilles’ heel has an apostrophe, because it’s a reference to the heel that belonged to the ancient Greek hero Achilles. Therefore, by the transitive properties of apostrophes, when we talk about something being our Achilles’ heel, that something does not actually belong to us. It belongs to Achilles. Even though that guy has been dead for like, forever.

And given that Achilles allowed his own Achilles’ heel to be shot by an arrow, I really don’t think that we should be trusting this Achilles guy with all of our Achilles’ heels!

Seriously, we’re really vulnerable here – this is an area of weakness that someone may exploit.


Waiting for the other shoe to drop

If the shoe fits, wear it. That’s what they say.

But first, I want to know where this shoe came from? Is it brand new? Or does it belong to someone else? If so, do they have any communicable foot-borne diseases that I should be aware of? Also, why are they so willing to part with their own shoe? Is there something wrong with it? Or perhaps it was stolen without their consent? And if I were to wear it, wouldn’t that make me complicit in some kind of shoe-thievery activities?

Also, what kind of shoe are we talking about here? If it’s like, a four-inch heel, then sorry, I can no longer wear heels that high since developing plantar fasciitis. Or if it’s a Birkenstock or one of those weird orange clog-like things that Mario Batali wears, then fuck you, there is simply no way that I am putting crap like that on my foot!

And I can’t help but notice that it’s “if the shoe fits” – singular. So then, what about my other foot? Am I really supposed to walk around with only one shoe? The more that I think about it, this whole thing sounds like some kind of shoe-based pyramid scheme. Or perhaps I will be forced to sit through a day-long timeshare sales pitch before they actually give me the other shoe. No thank you!

The authorities really should investigate these shoe people. They are up to no good. I’m sure of it.

On fixing society’s ills

It’s so depressing how many problems there are in the world today: war, poverty, racism, sexism, a dysfunctional political system.

That’s why I wish I was a real estate agent. Because they are always so optimistic about everything! Like, if a real estate agent was selling society, with all its faults, they would probably describe it as a “fixer upper” that just needs a little handiwork, and some tender love and care, to become a beautiful home.

And that got me thinking: What if I were a bit more handy? And what if I put in the time and effort to patch things up here and there? Perhaps I could fix up society!

And then I could flip it. I’d probably make a pretty penny.

baseball is a game of adjustments

They say that baseball is a game of adjustments. And it really is true. All you have to do is watch and you’ll see hitters frequently stepping out of the batter’s box in order to adjust their batting gloves. Or you’ll often see the catcher approach the pitcher’s mound so that together they can discuss making adjustments regarding their strategy for getting the batter out.

And the people who say they hate baseball because they think it’s too “boring” or that it “moves to slow” simply don’t realize that it is a game of adjustments. In a very very literal sense.

jump the shark

Sometimes people will complain because their favorite television series has recently “jumped the shark.” But you know, things could be worse. For instance, the TV show could have failed to successfully “jump the shark,” and been eaten by the shark instead.

You have to admit that this would be a far worse fate. Although, it would probably make for entertaining TV.

My first blog post, wherein I blog about blogging about blogging

You can’t just be a writer anymore. All the websites say so. The days of being an Emily Dickinson or J.D. Salinger – just locking yourself away in a room somewhere, and writing writing writing for the pure unadulterated joy of writing! – are like totally over now.

Writing is not enough anymore. This is what all the websites say. On top of writing, the twenty-first century writer needs to additionally create and sustain a “platform,” which may include (but is not necessarily limited to) a website and a blog, numerous social media accounts, regular public speaking appearances, and so on. And it is upon this writer’s platform that the contemporary writer must metaphorically perch if we wish to develop an online “presence” and to establish our “brand.”

And the websites go on to tell us that it is this very online presence and branding that will help us get “noticed” by the publishers who, upon noticing us, may or may not publish the book that we’ve been meaning to write, but haven’t quite gotten around to just yet, because we’ve been too busy learning HTML in our efforts to create and sustain our burgeoning writer’s platform.

This is what all the websites are saying.

Well, not all the websites. Just the ones whose stated purpose is to help writers with their writing careers. And while these writer-focused websites are generally sincere and often quite helpful, I cannot help but notice that these websites are also invariably written by writers. Specifically, by writers who write about helping writers with their writing careers. In other words, helping writers with their careers is their career. Nay, it is their brand! The brand that will help get them noticed by publishers!

And by reading their extremely helpful blog posts about creating my own writer’s platform so that I can develop my own online presence, I am simultaneously helping them establish their online presence. It is a win-win situation. For both of us.

And now, by reading this – my very first blog post – you, dear reader, are presently participating in my newly acquired online presence. So thank you for the lovely present of your presence!

And if you just so happen to appreciate this blog post – wherein I blog about people who are blogging about blogging – then by all means, feel free to blog about it.

And one day, in the not so distant future, we will all have publishers…